A Glimpse of the Future

Jonas and I have this little game we play. Every time we pass a motorcycle Jonas says "Mommy, I am going to get one of those." To which I reply "Oh no, Mommy's heart would break from worry." And it goes on and on. He thinks it is hilarious and I get a kick out of it too.

Until...... I realize he probably will want one of those some day.

Brent and I have very different opinions on this subject matter. I would prefer Jonas and Jacob to never do anything remotely life-threatening. I dislike motorcycles, four-wheelers, hunting, etc. These are some of Brent's favorite hobbies. He thinks that it would be an injustice for the boys not to experience all of these things. To compound the problem, Jonas idolizes Brent. He wants to be just like Daddy. (which is cute in most ways...)

So, I can see that somewhere along the way there will have to be some compromise. Not sure how that is going to work, yet....

But luckily I have time. Time to watch Bambi over and over again, pointing out the hunter's cruelty. :)



"We ... we made it, Mother!" he panted."We made it!"There was no answer."Mother?" Bambi faltered.Silence.Bambi walked to the entrance of the thicket and peeked out into the woods.There was no sign of his mother. "Mother!" Bambi cried again. "Mother, where are you?" A light snow was beginning to fait. Trembling, Bambi cautiously left the thicket. His mother was nowhere in sight. Where could she be? He knew she was out there somewhere. Why didn't she answer?"Mother!" - Disney's Bambi

Good Grief

So, tomorrow it has been five years since my daughter Emaline died. I remember vividly that night when the doctors told Brent and I there was nothing left they could do for her. We buried her 2 days later.

In the following days, many people had advice, words of wisdom, comfort, etc. One of my older cousins said to me "You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will find joy in things again." I knew logically this must be true, but couldn't fathom a situation that would make that possible.

To be perfectly honest, I was livid. I couldn't understand why this had happened to me. I was constantly noticing pregnant ladies or women with small babies and wondering why they were so lucky.... so blessed....

I wish I could say that I just came out of my grief because I felt at peace with the situation. But, that was not the case. I began to do better when I was given a little thread of hope. A positive sign on a pregnancy test. Even though I did not get my hopes up too high, I couldn't help thinking that maybe this time would be different. Maybe this time I would bring a baby home.

Over time, it gets easier. That doesn't mean that I don't think of Emaline daily. I wonder who she would have been. I wonder what it would have been like to raise a daughter.

I can look back and think of how much has changed in 5 years. I laugh daily at something silly Jonas says. I smile daily as I watch Jacob toddle around. I have joy because of my 2 sweet gifts.


"Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold, so he picks a rosebud before it can grow old."

Why blog?

I am not really sure what motivated me to blog. I love to read other people's blogs, but I never really thought I had anything extra special to say. Perhaps, that is the exact reason to blog. Most of us love to read about what other people are doing. Whether it is fun, exciting, or just an average mundane day. As a stay at home mom, I am sure my posts will deal mostly with the latter. :)


"The joy of life is made up of obscure and seemingly mundane victories that gives us our own small satisfactions." -Billy Joel