Good Grief

So, tomorrow it has been five years since my daughter Emaline died. I remember vividly that night when the doctors told Brent and I there was nothing left they could do for her. We buried her 2 days later.

In the following days, many people had advice, words of wisdom, comfort, etc. One of my older cousins said to me "You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will find joy in things again." I knew logically this must be true, but couldn't fathom a situation that would make that possible.

To be perfectly honest, I was livid. I couldn't understand why this had happened to me. I was constantly noticing pregnant ladies or women with small babies and wondering why they were so lucky.... so blessed....

I wish I could say that I just came out of my grief because I felt at peace with the situation. But, that was not the case. I began to do better when I was given a little thread of hope. A positive sign on a pregnancy test. Even though I did not get my hopes up too high, I couldn't help thinking that maybe this time would be different. Maybe this time I would bring a baby home.

Over time, it gets easier. That doesn't mean that I don't think of Emaline daily. I wonder who she would have been. I wonder what it would have been like to raise a daughter.

I can look back and think of how much has changed in 5 years. I laugh daily at something silly Jonas says. I smile daily as I watch Jacob toddle around. I have joy because of my 2 sweet gifts.


"Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold, so he picks a rosebud before it can grow old."